I Must Have Been Looking At Something

She was sleeping when she wasn't at school, and I was working, working, working.

As the days dragged on, I knew that the physical distance between us was slowly becoming an emotional one as well. I don't know why I let it happen, I don't know why she let it happen. I'm sure she thought I was fixated on other things. I mean, I must have been looking at something, right?

Being the fool that I was, I let go, and we began to fall, further and further.

It was pitch black all around, yet I knew she was somewhere nearby, I could feel it! After all, I had been holding her hand just a second ago. Though the fear of hitting the ground was pulsing through my body, and clouding my thoughts, I was able to work up enough strength to reach out with my arms, in hopes of grabbing on to something, to someone.

And still, I fell, and fell, and fell.

I tried to look through the darkness, to find some sign of her. I would have grabbed on to anything! But the idea that she was still out there, reaching out as I was, gave me some hope.

But still, I fell, and fell, and fell.

Until finally, I crashed into the nothing of a floor...
and it hurt.

I waited, I waited to hear her slam against the floor as well, but I heard nothing. It was then that I knew she had found a hand to hold on to. It was then that I knew I'd lost her.

Oh but if only she'd of know that I wasn't looking at anything.
Oh but if only she'd of know that I was only looking at her.
Oh but if only she'd of know that I was always looking at her.
If only she'd of know.

(Untitled One)

I sped down that interstate, the wind from outside making my wet cheeks even colder. I stared out at the town I called home, it was asleep now, but I was awake. The stars played connect the dots and spelled out all the words I didn't say in the space between the power lines.

My Eyes

I'm falling, but I'm upside down, so it looks like I'm flying upward.
But there's no infinity when I get up there.
There's only dirt and mud.

Time flies past me.
Days are more like hours and months pass by like weeks.
At this rate I'll die before it's even time for winter, my most favorite season.

If only I hadn't closed my eyes
If only I hadn't closed
If only I had my eyes
If only I closed my eyes
If I closed my eyes

Goodbye

I can't recall much of last night
All I remember are those red drapes

He can't recall much of last night
All he can remember is the leather couch and the way it smelled

I can't recall much of last night
All I can remember is the way the moon poured in the room

He can't recall much of last night
All he can remember is the way her breast felt as she breathed

I can't recall much of last night
Oh who am I kidding, I remember last night all too well

Send That Shit Out!

Send it!

Today

Today is my first day of school and I am scared.
I don't know anyone here, just Bobby, and he smells bad anyway.

Today is my first day of school and I am scared.
This building's way too tall and my legs are way too small.
There are stairs everywhere and sometimes I fear I'll fall.
It's likely to happen too! I heard it happened to some kid last year after all.

Today is my first day of school and I am scared.
I don't know anyone here, just Bobby, and he smells bad anyway.

Not Even Starry Clouds

That gap between the stars and the clouds has become much smaller.
Now I drool over the clouds in the day, and stare upward for hours gazing at the stars at night.

I love them both, I do.
But who am I to say which is better?
Who am I to say what is right?

Not even cloudy stars or starry clouds would simplify this now.
Not even starry clouds.

It's Been Some Time Now

Things are well.



:]

Summertime

Here it comes once again
Another summer like any other, I hope not.

"Maybe this one will be better!"
I've said that one before -_-

But I've a secret weapon or two this time around!
A license, AND her<3

Bring it on ugly, sweaty, butt hot, way too long summer days!

Oh Nostalgia

You get the best of me.

Untitled #1

It's always the same thing over and over.
I always make it bigger than I should.
We all do.
But I'm happy, that's all that matters right?
Happiness?
I hate patterns.

Youth

She kept insisting that it was okay
"No, no, it's okay, it's okay, really"
On and on she went, until I started.

"I've come to the realization that I never really apologized for how poorly I treated you. I keep apologizing for the same thing over and over, but I never really apologized for what truly tore us apart."

"And what's that?"
She asked.

"I'm sorry for having shown you the beast I really am."

Those Days

I don't feel much like myself anymore.
It's more like a hollow shell that looks like me on the outside but is anything but me on the inside
I'm just sitting around, sleeping early, not eating much, not watching much tv, not reading much, not making art or music much, not online much, I'm just here.
Not doing much of anything.
I don't feel much like myself anymore.

Oh Gaby

Oh Gaby
Stop looking at me
With those cloudy eyes
Before I start to cry

'Cause everybody you love
Will soon be leaving you, love
And everyone you hold dear
Will soon be leaving you here

Oh Gaby
Stop talking at me
With those pouty lips
Before I want to quit

And everyone you once knew
Will wash their hands free of you
And everyone you once loved
Will soon be leaving you, love

Oh Gaby
Stop singing at me
With that broken voice
Because I have no choice

Okay, okay

I know, I know
I never thought I was that bad
Not till after that whole, long, mess I made, did I realize how true it was
And I really didn't mean not to show the day after the concert, I really didn't
I'm just glad you are still you and you are still present in some form
I'm just glad, I really am
I'm reading The Cather in the Rye, I'm trying to get in to books
Due to the way Holden talks, I find myself adding the "(pronoun) really (blank)" at the end of sentences
I'm not making too much sense
I just got done watching Sicko
It's pretty sad
Makes me want to run away :]

Well, it was nice talking to you
Via Blogspot
I guess thing's aren't too bad
I guess life's not too bad
Everything's going to be okay, "if you just believe!" :D

Rubbish

-It's funny, how stupid everything is...

-Yeah

-I mean, you try so hard to find some sort of meaning to your everyday. You try so hard to make things work, and so hard to tie everything together, to make it all logical, but then in the end, it's really all just a big waste. It's all just a big mess of fog and plastic and all the inbetweens that blur everything you thought was. It's all just a bunch of overused commas and underused vocabulary. It's all just a bunch of people floating through their day to day in search of something concrete. But the fact is we're all still young, and the fact is we probably won't last with anyone we hold too close. Maybe I just need to be more determined, maybe I'll change soon, maybe. Or maybe it all just takes time, maybe it's too early for any of us. I never meant to shatter windows, I never did. I never meant to be such a beast, I never do. I know that even the sincerest of apologies is really no good now. I guess, deep down, I'll always be this monster that I am, and I'll continue to crash through glass, and I'll continue to overuse less than threes, and I'll continue to stay up late, and I'll continue to write songs, and I'll continue to make art, I'll continue to slowly hand myself out to the world until finally I'm nothing but a hollow shell. Maybe that's justice enough. Or maybe that's just the self-pity kicking in.

-Yeah

-It's funny how stupid everything is...

And it Shattered

But it was slightly out of reach, and I let it fall
And it shattered
And then I found another, and I grabbed on to it too tightly at first
And then I pulled back
And it shattered
Somehow, I managed to find another
But then I realized that there was a pattern
They had all just recently been left by their previous others
And I was always finding them in there most fragile of states
Please don't let it shatter

Nothing At All

I laid in the shape of a backward four with my left leg pulled in and my right extended. My eyes were wide open, but my body was fully asleep.
My mind wandered, but my eyes stayed still, fixated on the green light of the smoke detector, and the inconsistent flashing of the red light next to it. I wondered what the significance of the red light was. Was it to inform me that the battery was dying? Was it to inform me that the smoke detector was working just fine? Red such a negative color when it comes to blinking lights.
My Nat King Cole record had finished some hours ago, yet I'd been too asleep to get up and flip to side b. I'd attempted to line up the record's scratches with my heart's beating, but my heart beat a second too fast.
I knew why I wasn't in a deep slumber. I knew that I was keeping my mind stuck on record noise and flashing lights in an attempt to not think of her.

But that fucking red light flashed too goddamn sporadically!

Creativity (or lack thereof)

Only the lowest of lows and highest of highs can spark a creativity in me worth acting upon.

I've been feeling lost for the most part. Last week was nice, that one day I went to visit back home, but now I'm actually back home. It's horrible. Work consumes my night and sleep blacks out my days, there's really no time for anything else. What's the point? Money? I could care less for it now.

I want something... no, I need something. I need something consistent, someone, I NEED. I'm just like everyone else, yet no one else is in need of me.

All I do is whine anyway, who wants that?

Moonlight

And there we sat on a wet, park bench, directly beneath the moon and a tree. And after he sang the words "Yeah we do, yeah we do," I leaned in to kiss her. I gazed at her lips as if I were a pilot examining the ground for the perfect emergency landing. Then, as the rugged landscape pulled tight and flattened, she smiled, and I knew I was welcome. I pressed my lips against hers and repeated to do so as she slid her hands up and down my inviting body. I filtered her hair with fingers perfectly separated, and cleared her neck of any clutter. I sank my teeth in to her beautiful flesh and marked it red with an uncontrollable desire. I knew this was what I'd always wanted, and I knew she wanted it too. My mind was so indulged in hers that I forgot in entirety as to where we were. But once I came to my senses, I didn't care to stop, the feeling was too good, I feared that any sudden movement would result in the loss of this most wonderful warmth.

Unfortunately, this venture of ours was short lived, as it was 11:30, time for me to go back home. Time for me to head across mountains and away from her. I hate the feeling of knowing I'm leaving, I hate the stop sign at the end of the street, I hate the men playing basketball on the reflective court, I hate the man walking his dog so late, I hate the songs with the lyrics I didn't know, I hate the yellow umbrella that fell off the table, and I hate the rain that fell in and out of the sky that night, but I love them all. I love it all.

Returning on Hiatus

I've neglected you, yes, but that doesn't mean that I don't care for you.
I've been falling in and out of people and places, of loves and worries, and here I am again. Unchanged I'm sure. I guess it's safest to stay on your end and burn the bridge which leads to and from. I guess I can't blame you. I only wished it would have ended differently.

At least we'll always have dirt.