Saturday, September 8, 2012

I Don't Want to be in a Relationship

"I don't want to be in a relationship." She said, and I responded that I didn't either. It was great. We hung out many times after that, just as friends, just as buddies. But still, I wanted something more, and she knew it. And then one night, things changed. I asked her over to watch a movie, and during the movie, I asked her to lay next to me. She asked why, and I said, "nevermind." Because, well, she knew why. I had told her one drunken night before that I had feelings for her, but since we were friends, I was trying to subdue the feelings. But I was never very good at that. By the end of the film, she had fallen asleep. I noticed she was holding my couch pillow between her thighs, and so I asked if I could take the place of the pillow and lay next to her. I told her I wouldn't, try anything. She let me, and we held each other for a while. It was nice.. but then she began to caress me, and so I did the same. Before long, we were kissing, and rubbing, and it felt wonderful. We did this for a few weeks to come, but then just as suddenly as it had begun, she said she didn't want a thing to do with me. Maybe it was my phrasing when I said, "I like the things that come with relationships" that made her feel she needed to reinstate that she DID NOT WANT a relationship. I told her it was fine, and that I didn't either, but it was gone. She was gone. It was sweet for three weeks. I read her a bedtime story, she fed me things, we swapped books, went out to bars, she slept on my lap, she kissed me goodbye, we slept in her friends bed. But now she is gone. I don't want to be in a relationship.