Real

I'm at a point of great clarity
That doesn't mean I'm great though
Just that I'm in a clear, conscious state of mind,
And that I can hopefully figure everything out, and continue the way I want to

Maybe it was the shrooms, maybe it was the "poor man's lean," or maybe it was the constant marijuana and beer. Or maybe it was a combination of everything, and time and experience.

Either way, I plan on limiting my drug intake, and my alcohol consumption
I'm not against any of it, but I feel it was clouding my vision
And a nice while apart from it could be good

Goodnight

Checking In

She stopped calling. I'd moved out a couple states east, for work. And she stayed back home, for school. She said she loved me and we could make it work, but we argued a lot. Had fights, I made her cry, she made me cry. After a while it just seemed like we were only calling each other to check in. But shes stopped calling. And so I guess I don't need this phone anymore.

Back Home

I stayed up all night reading her tweets, her posts, her conversations. I stayed up all night missing her from afar. There's no point in her knowing anyway. I tweeted too, posted, in response to her, as if I were talking to her, as if I were still there. What is it that makes me do? What is it me and you? I've found that I've lost myself. It's hard, it's strange. That's why I left in the first place, but now I'm here. Back home, by myself, staying up all night. What is it that makes me do? Who am I and me and you?

I Must Have Been Looking At Something

She was sleeping when she wasn't at school, and I was working, working, working.

As the days dragged on, I knew that the physical distance between us was slowly becoming an emotional one as well. I don't know why I let it happen, I don't know why she let it happen. I'm sure she thought I was fixated on other things. I mean, I must have been looking at something, right?

Being the fool that I was, I let go, and we began to fall, further and further.

It was pitch black all around, yet I knew she was somewhere nearby, I could feel it! After all, I had been holding her hand just a second ago. Though the fear of hitting the ground was pulsing through my body, and clouding my thoughts, I was able to work up enough strength to reach out with my arms, in hopes of grabbing on to something, to someone.

And still, I fell, and fell, and fell.

I tried to look through the darkness, to find some sign of her. I would have grabbed on to anything! But the idea that she was still out there, reaching out as I was, gave me some hope.

But still, I fell, and fell, and fell.

Until finally, I crashed into the nothing of a floor...
and it hurt.

I waited, I waited to hear her slam against the floor as well, but I heard nothing. It was then that I knew she had found a hand to hold on to. It was then that I knew I'd lost her.

Oh but if only she'd of know that I wasn't looking at anything.
Oh but if only she'd of know that I was only looking at her.
Oh but if only she'd of know that I was always looking at her.
If only she'd of know.

(Untitled One)

I sped down that interstate, the wind from outside making my wet cheeks even colder. I stared out at the town I called home, it was asleep now, but I was awake. The stars played connect the dots and spelled out all the words I didn't say in the space between the power lines.

My Eyes

I'm falling, but I'm upside down, so it looks like I'm flying upward.
But there's no infinity when I get up there.
There's only dirt and mud.

Time flies past me.
Days are more like hours and months pass by like weeks.
At this rate I'll die before it's even time for winter, my most favorite season.

If only I hadn't closed my eyes
If only I hadn't closed
If only I had my eyes
If only I closed my eyes
If I closed my eyes

Goodbye

I can't recall much of last night
All I remember are those red drapes

He can't recall much of last night
All he can remember is the leather couch and the way it smelled

I can't recall much of last night
All I can remember is the way the moon poured in the room

He can't recall much of last night
All he can remember is the way her breast felt as she breathed

I can't recall much of last night
Oh who am I kidding, I remember last night all too well