Cheat Week

I gave myself one last week

One last week to play around and pretend feeling and acting like everyone else, like everything's fine, and to continue doing things the way I'm comfortable doing them is okay.

That ends today

I played sad songs, I got high

I made out with and fingered a cute girl at a party

I'm even typing this sad, reminiscent blog post

I'm drunk

Hopefully this cheat week will be enough for me to move on

Hopefully I won't come back to this

It all seems grim this night

But hopefully

Goodnight

The Top of the Mountain/ The Mountain Top

We hiked to the top of the mountain.

But there was nothing there.

Maybe it wasn't the time..

Maybe I wasn't in the right state of mind..

Maybe there isn't anything after all

At least I got a pretty view

And at least I got away for a weekend

Maybe I just need some shrooms..

Let Me In Again

She's moving to Florida now, and all I can think is, "one last fuck."

I don't even know if it's what I really want, but it could be fun, right?

Take A Break

I always tell myself to take a break from girls

When I was younger, it was always one girl after the other

One failed love after a fling after another failed love

I'm older now, "wiser," but I still haven't been able to take my own advice

Sure I haven't been "in a relationship" in a while, but I'm still filling in that hole with people, and I'm still failing them

But I get lonely too

I need

I want

I feel for people still

And I guess I don't want to be alone

I just don't want to begin another failed relationship

It's going to be a long time before I finally take on another relationship

But I need to take a break

Or else it'll just be another failed love after a fling

Society's Dream

Many times I worry about you

And about how you say it's okay

Many times I ask you questions

Just to see if you'll acknowledge the truth

I know you can feel it

I know you have sensed it

But I know it's easy to forget it and fall back into old habits

When will it ever change?

When will we ever have the courage?

How can it ever change?

The Wrong Thing

I watched him hold her as she wiped the tears from her eyes

He looked lost

This was all his doing, but he looked confused still

He was holding her, to console her, to tell her not to cry

But he also didn't want to let go, he wanted her even more then

As I watched through my truck's window, waiting at that red light

I knew who he was

I saw myself in him

She moved away, still wiping her tears

She was ready to let go

But he still wanted to hold her

That poor, selfish fool

My Bugs

My bugs are crawling in, and they shouldn't be
They're speaking gentler now, and they shouldn't be
I'm afraid one day I'll smash my bug, and I shouldn't be
But how long can I go on saying that things shouldn't be?

How much attention do I need?
How much attention do you need?